NibCrom Central's Animal Kingdom
October 20, 2003
Humans, coming from a wide variety of backgrounds, all have different viewpoints on the world. There is only one characteristic that brings us together as a species: our intense love for animals. That is why the staff of NibCrom Central has poured countless hours of hard work into documenting some of the animals in this world who do not get as much air-time as the others.
Deer-SharkIf you thought "Jaws" was scary, you ain't seen nothing yet! The deer-shark is a fearsome predator that will often swim in front of automobiles and become "blinded" by headlights. The creature is not actually stunned, it is waiting for the automobile to crash into it. If the driver can not stop in time, the automobile slams into the massive deer-shark, crippling the vehicle. The deer-shark will then use razor-sharp teeth to tear it open like a wet paper towel, and snatch the humans like tuna from a tin can.
Walrus-pandaDespite the persistance of many governments, the walrus-panda continues to be one of the most overpopulated animals in the world. These creatures have an amazing life-span, often living over 500 years. Their secret? Oil of Olay Anti-Aging Cream. This product is brought over to the United States on boats, but the ships are often destroyed when groups of walrus-pandas dig their giant tusks into the sides of the vessels. The boats will sink, and walrus-pandas will swim to the bottom of the ocean to recover the product.
Turt-fishTurt-fish live in their shells. While the females of the species come out of the shells occasionally, the males are stubborn and stay in the shells for the entirety of their lives. In addition to living in their shells, the male turt-fish also poop in them. Consequently, male turt-fish typically do not have any friends, even among members of their species. The putrid odor from their half of the species has caused many female turt-fishes to become lesbian turt-fishes.
Partridge-dogFinally! A creature with the loyalty of a dog and the bowel movements of a bird. Despite their hideous appearance, partridge-dogs make great pets. You never have to walk this thing. You just let it out of the house, and it takes care of itself, although they often don't come back from their pooping flights. Watch out, because when this thing takes off, the crap will fly.
Octo-apeThousands of years exposed to radioactive grapejuice have left octo-apes a strange shade of violet. This has helped them hunt their primary food source, The Grimace. Octo-apes can often be seen in jungles showing off their biceps. It is unknown if they have eight tails, eight tentacles, or a combination of the two. However, we can be certain of this: octo-apes wear dark purple mascara.
Kanga-wolfUnlike most animals, kanga-wolves have two mouths: one below their nose, and one inside of their pouch. Innocent victims will often leap into the pouch believing there is a promise of warmth and comfort, only to be devoured mercilessly by razor-sharp teeth. These creatures have a poor sense of smell and live deep in the ocean.
Mouse-flyThe only thing that a mouse-fly loves more than garbage is dung. Mouse-flys grow to be over 15,000 yards long. Even if someone took all of the NFL stadiums and lined them up in a row, it would not be as long as a mouse-fly. But why would someone do that? Putting all of the football stadiums in one location is a dumb idea. Even though they are very large, they are friends to all children. The creamy milk of these creatures tastes wonderful.
Monkey-bunnyMonkey-bunnies are a curious bunch of animals. They will often dig themselves into strange places like women's closets and underwear drawers. Surrounded by pink attire, the invisible monkey-bunny will spring forth from their hiding place when a woman changes part of her attire. Latching onto the ear of the woman, the monkey-bunny will suck out earwax until they have a clear view of the brain. They will then hop off in a curious fashion, looking for a new victim. Monkey-bunnies can also be found in the dressers of men who have questionable outfits.
Gir-rabbitGir-rabbits have long necks that enable them to reach high-growing carrots in trees. They are extremely unintelligent and will smile at you even if you climb up on a ladder and punch them in the face.
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